I was doing my rounds on the weekend and met the son of a new patient who had been admitted overnight. The patient was an elderly man aged 93 who I had seen two years prior. He had a known history of prostate cancer that had spread. What struck me back then was how caring his family was. When he was in hospital two years ago, there was always one family member present when i visited. Over the last two years he had become more frail and the family just couldn’t cope. Eventually they got him accepted into a Nursing home.

When I saw him he had deteriorated in a major way, to the extent that I discussed with the son that he should meet with the rest of the family to discuss end of life issues. He told me how a rift had developed between him and his brother and that they were no longer on talking terms. I told him that the decline of their Dad may be an opportunity to heal old wounds. But he said that his brother was not interested in healing anything.

It was very sad to see and hear about that.

The family is the nucleus for society. When individuals can create happy relationships and positive family experiences, the whole of society benefits. And as their elderly father lay in the hospital bed, he told me that he had only one dying wish, that his sons would mend their relationship. He said he was ready to depart his mortal coil but the only thought that persisted was his sons, and that thought was his tormentor by day and particularly at night.

What the sons don’t realise is that their refusal to come to forgiveness was hindering the transition of their father. When someone dies, we always say “Rest in Peace”. But peace doesn’t happen just because the heart no longer beats and the mind no longer thinks consciously. To rest in peace we have to have died in peace. And if we don’t die in peace, the human soul keeps searching of a way to find it, in this life or the next. It’s not my place to talk of matters metaphysical, as i am just a humble urologist, but though it maybe difficult, it’s important to find a way to forgiveness, peace, acceptance and even love.

In Health and Wellness

Ranjit