We are social creatures and relationships are important in our lives. We make many friendships as children growing up and these are some of the easiest to maintain. We meet again after months or years and automatically slip back into the ways of old. The closest relationships we have to our spouse, our children, our siblings, and our parents are frequently the ones that are most neglected because we take them for granted.

Relationships with work colleagues maybe friendship based or maybe for the benefit of smooth operations in the workplace, but these need to be nurtured and maintained in a different kind of way. Unfortunately these are not skills that are taught in school and many of them are imbibed from the role models that we have around us.

Here are some tips to help maintain healthy relationships:

1) Make time– there are no short cuts to creating healthy bonds. One of the reasons that school and university relationships become so strong and enduring is due to the  sheer length of time spent with each other. It is natural that as we transition out of that stage into higher education, the workplace and families, that certain relationships become more dominant and other ones fall away. That is the nature of life and there is no need to feel bad about it. Long term relationships often pick up down the track when work and family situations have become more stable. However, in the relationships that are closest to us, it is important to make time. That means getting off your phone and iPad, and actively looking for ways to engage whether we are interested in those activities or not.

2) Maintain own identity and interests- it is important that we have an identity of our own otherwise our entire expectation falls on our partner for happiness. This style of dependency is not healthy. We should be happy and self-contented individuals who choose to share our lives with one another, rather than depend on the other for our own happiness. There is of course a balance between doing our own thing and giving enough time to the other, or else it defeats the purpose of being in a relationship at all.

3) Don’t try and change them- this is perhaps the greatest cause for relationship problems. Trying to make your partner fit into a mould of how you think they should be. Of course, no individual comes as a perfect entity. Every individual has their own strengths and challenges. But fundamentally it is impossible to change another person. The moment this is accepted, is the moment that any relationship can actually unfold into something new. This does not mean that you tolerate every single thing, but you work out which “battles” need to be fought and which ones can be realistically “won”.

4) Stay Connected- our lives are busier than ever before, but one of the incredible things about technology is the ability to stay in touch. Whether it is Facebook, Instagram, Skype, or heaven forbid, a phone call, it is now easier to stay in touch than ever before. It just takes a little effort. Drop the notion that the other person hasn’t made contact. It always takes someone to make the first effort.

5) Forgive- we all make mistakes. To be human is to err. For relationships to be enduring we need to be able to let go and move on. Even if the relationship ultimately comes to a separation, there is no benefit in hanging onto anger and malice. No one else gets hurt by this except yourself. Forgive and move on. Life is too short to hold grudges.

The big man Muhammed Ali once said, “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” 

In Health and Wellness